Conversations With My Self!

Some days (OK, most days) I feel like I'm two separate people meshed into one. Don't know what I mean? Maybe this will help:

Me: I'm having a great hair day.

Negative Me: Yeah, maybe, but your roots are starting to show. Not very appealing really.

Me: So far I haven't had a single crisp or piece of chocolate. I am proud of myself.

Negative Me: Sure, you say that now but let's wait till the end of the day shall we? then we'll see who's laughing. Mwahahahaha

Me: Great. Yay! That hunk of a security guy totally checked me out. I knew this dress I was wearing today was the right choice.

Negative Me: He probably thought you were a shoplifter. Hmm, wonder if you actually fit the profile?

Me: I like this top, think I'll try it on. Where are the fitting rooms? It really does look nice on me. I think I'll buy it. It doesn't make my bottom look so big and the front is flattering.

Negative Me: Jesus Christ. Is that what your ass really looks like? Good God woman, put the dress down, your clothes back on and forget about it. Why bother? Your ass still looks huge. Who are you kidding?

Me (end of the day): I think I've done really well today. I stuck to the program. Bravo.

Negative Me: This is not over yet you know. Although I must admit you did do well sticking to your program. Well done.

Me (laughing): I can't believe I keep talking to myself. This is so funny. Creepy but funny. I really have to stop.

Negative Me: You were always a bit on the loony side. They should get you diagnosed. Remember when blah blah blah.

Me: Shut up already. Good night.

Eventually I bought the top and a dress for good measure which my husband agreed looked great on me. And I stuck with the program. I have tamed the beast in me for today.

The Mumble Jumble Pie

I am trying out a new recipe. I am using the only ingredients I have around so here goes nothing.

Ingredients:

1 pack of fresh English Spinach leaves, steamed and drained

400g of sliced butternut squash

1/2 bag of frozen mixed peppers

200g of sliced fresh mushrooms

1 large brown onion, sliced

1/2 tin of thick condensed mushroom soup

A dash of nutmeg

2 tsp of Parmesan cheese

2 sheets of rolled puff pastry

1. Spray the pan with non stick cooking spray and add the onions and mushrooms, saute until tender. Add the peppers and saute again until tender. Simmer for 15 minutes. Add Salt and pepper to taste.

2. Add the mushroom soup and stir and allow to simmer for another 15 minutes. Remove from pan.

3. In an oven proof dish, lay out the first sheet of puff pastry at the bottom of dish. Now we start layering. First spread out the cooked spinach leaves, then the roasted butternut squash on top. Then pour out the contents of the pot on top of all that and sprinkle with the Parmesan cheese and nutmeg.

4. Cover the contents of the oven proof dish with the second layer of puff pastry and seal the edges so it looks like a pie. Make several slits and place in the oven to cook.

Heard Today

"I don't have a weight problem, YOU have a problem with MY weight" - Mo'Nique in the movie PHAT Girls

I Choose the Detour

Some hardships are easier to take than others. As an optimist, I believe that hardships are disguised blessings although I am reasonable and rational enough to understand that the loss of someone dear can never ever be regarded as such. However, even then there are lessons to be learnt.

My hardship arrived yesterday. My husband called and said he had had chest pains at work, and was out of breath and that the walk-in surgery had advised him to go to the A&E for checkups 'just in case'. A million thoughts in my head, I rushed to my friend's house, dropped off our son, and speedily went to join my husband at A&E. I must concede that the fact that he was asked to go there on his own in the first place sans ambulance did give me the relief that he was in fact OK and that they just wanted to make sure that his chest pains were a kind of muscle spasm unrelated to any out of frenzy heart episode. Basically, not the beginnings of a heart attack.

As soon as I saw his face I knew we were going to be OK. Thankfully all was confirmed to be exactly so from the blood tests and ECG. However, was that the end and we could put this behind us, maybe have a laugh about it over a nice bottle of wine at the weekend? Somewhere in the deepest recesses of my being I knew a whole new realm had just been created. Or had it been there all along? Are you born with it and is it programmed to launch on a certain date, at a certain age, or could you miss it altogether? Is it on a timer? What am I talking about? That horrible new untraveled world of "What ifs and Then whats". I was more terrified of being in that world than I had been rushing madly to meet my husband a while ago. What if? Two words that kept on and on in my head all night. What if? What if? What if? And Then What?

I will repeat myself now: I am an optimist. I honestly believe in my heart of hearts that this was a blessing in disguise. A path had been presented to us as a family to broach the subject of death. To discuss unnerving issues of putting papers in order, contacting lawyers and having all in order in case we were faced with life's inevitable what ifs. It was also a clear blessing to stop and turn inwards. To get personal with oneself and to scrutinize. Was he that out of shape? When had that happened? He was always athletic. He still plays football with our son. When had it all slipped? When had we allowed our unhealthy lifestyle to take over bringing out fears we never even knew we had. Oh God, could it be me next time?

We are here now. We are left with no choice. We have been presented with a blessing (or warning?) that we must not fail to be thankful for. A chance for an overall look at where we've arrived and whether that is where we want to keep heading. I choose the detour.

Signs or a State of Mind?

I was telling my husband the other day that the elements of my World must be conspiring for me to lose weight. I kept talking about signs that this must be the right time for me to start on my own personal health journey. I'll give you examples: Each time I turned on the TV last week, it would be showing inspirational stories of people who had lost a lot of weight. Another time it would have those dressing for your type shows. And at other times it would be a movie about having hopes and achieving your dreams and never ever giving up.

Other more personal examples would be my friend's daughter who happened to tell me I was a fat mommy on Christmas day. Or could the biggest sign of all have been my annual check-up where my GP announced that I was hovering on the borders of obesity? Or was it that I had recently become obsessed with the need to have a blog all about health issues? I had exhausted those around me about constantly talking about my weight but never really doing anything about it. I was always too busy or too lazy really. So had the Universe finally conspired to make me take a deeper look at the real me before it was too late?

Yes, Maybe, No. Bottom line: Who knows and frankly the question should be: Does it really matter? If you choose to believe that there are signs to pick up and you have then good on you. If you choose to believe that God has finally given you his undivided strength to stick with the program, even better, and if, like myself, you believe in state of the mind theories then fantastic. End of the day it doesn't matter where or how you were inspired. You just were. Accept it and move ahead. Stick with it and do it. Now that your frame of mind is in the zone stay there.

Now that I'm finally in the zone, there is no way I'm getting out. I am going to take full advantage and seek ways to keep me in the zone for a long long time. I have found that when I reach this point of no return I start to pick up motivating vibes I never even noticed before. Had my son's school been really this close to home before? If so, then how come I've driven him there all this time? Did I really buy that fantastic pair of trainers and track suit? Being a born show off, why have I never felt inclined to parade myself in them? The best one of all: Since I am a certified dietitian, how come I've never felt the need to apply my knowledge on myself? Why did everyone and everything else come first?

Again, power is knowledge. Being in the zone is powerful in itself. Open your eyes, take a deep breath and look around you. You don't need bolting jolts of lightning to wake you up, the signs and tools are right there under your nose. Open your eyes wider, have you? Do you see them now? Great, now your journey begins. I just hope you're ready for it. I know I am.

My Lentil Soup

I love lentils. Red or brown I just love them. This recipe is great because the cumin really lessens the unpleasant side effects of lentils (you know the gas and such).

2 cups of dried red lentils, rinsed and drained

1 large brown onion, diced

2 medium sweet potatoes, peeled and diced

4 Tbsp. tomato paste

2 cubes of vegetable broth

1 Tbsp olive oil

2 Tbsp ground cumin

juice of 1 lemon

Salt & pepper to taste

Chopped parsley or coriander to garnish

1. Place the oil in a pan, add the onion and saute until tender.

2. Add the lentils, potatoes, vegetable stock, tomato paste and cumin. Add enough water to cover everything. Bring to the boil. Turn down the flame and let the mixture simmer until the potatoes and the lentils are tender. This should take around 30-40 minutes depending on the type of the lentils. But keep checking the mixture as the lentils drink up a lot of water so keep adding along the way. You don't want to end up with a dry mixture. This is a soup after all.

3. After the lentils are tender, remove the pot from the heat and allow to cool for 10 minutes.

4. In a food processor, blend the contents of the pot until fine and creamy. Return to the pot and heat through. Add salt and pepper to taste.

5. Serve garnished with chopped parsley or coriander. Add the lemon juice just before serving for that extra zing.

My First Setback

I had already mentioned yesterday morning that I was up to trouble. I knew it was coming my way as soon as I got up (see here). Well, although I really tried not to over eat and to stick to my plan, my nemesis side would have none of that and was starving for company. So we entertained.

As it was a spur of the moment thing and the point was to bring in guests first, worry about food later, you can realize why things didn't go well for me. I had not planned to have people over that evening and the decision was only made midday so by then I had already had breakfast, snack and lunch leaving few calories for a small dinner.

No planning meant the cupboard crisps and nuts came out for appetizers, and it was Indian takeout for the main course. Naans, curries and kebabs don't make for great food choices if you're on a calorie-restricted diet. Combine that with red wine and you have a recipe for disaster. But the evening went well and we had a great time. So all was not lost.

What have I learnt from this:

1. Spontaneity is great but not if it involves food. I have to stick to my priorities as I have set them for the time being with my weight loss coming in first place and entertaining coming in second.

2. Because I love a great party and can't stay away for too long, all I have to do is plan plan plan my diet beforehand. That way I get to supply more vegetables for my party snacking along with the nuts and crisps. Healthy dips and home cooked food (at least I'll know how much fat and what kind of fat is in there) and fruit based desserts instead of chocolates and cheese. After all this is taken care of I will definitely have enough calories left over for my wine.

3. I will not let this setback get me down. I am on the band wagon again and here I go again.